I Have Some Notes

You can have it fast, you can have it cheap, but you can't have it good. That is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze in a half shell. While not necessarily a bad film, this rushed Turtles sequel was a treasure trove of missed opportunities, some of which should have been fairly obvious to the filmmakers, assuming they had the time to read the source material.

Liam and Gregg take time to fix some minor issues, while Scott goes for broke with a page-one rewrite that celebrates the 90s cartoon.

It is always a bummer when a movie has a killer premise and completely whiffs. M. Night Shyamalan is back on the show for a second time and up to his usual twisty shenanigans (Shyamanigans?). This time the twist completely undermines his premise and makes us think far too much about the mechanics of his magic beach.

Listen in as Liam, Scott and Gregg make one simple change to OLD that helps all the pieces fit more cohesively into place.

Happy New Year, fellow armchair screenwriters! We take a short break from rewriting mediocre movies to talk about some good ones that don't need any rewrites. Liam, Scott and Gregg discuss their top films of the year including one they all agree was a cut above them all.

It's our final movie rewrite of 2022! We hope you're all having a safe, happy holiday curled up in front of the fire listening to us deconstruct and rebuild Edgar Wright's Last Night in Soho.

Admittedly this one was a bit intimidating, but ultimately we landed on several solid paths to a more thematically cohesive and perhaps more contemplative film.

WARNING! Last Night In Soho deals with themes of sexual violence, as does our discussion. 

Kids movies! Fun light-hearted cinema full of catchy songs that get stuck in your head when your kid plays them over and over and over and sings along with them so loudly you can't think straight and you start to think "is this what losing my mind is like?" but no you haven't lost your mind because it is in fact your soul that is sinking into the inky black abyss with each repetition of the horrid whalings of a broadway singer turned accursed voice actor whose unwanted melodic tones trespass through your ears like those worms from Wrath of KHAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!

Anyway, we rewrote Frozen. Enjoy.

We've talked about mediocre X-Men films before, so for The New Mutants we decided to try something a little different. Returning guests and X-Men experts Robyn Slack (Quantuum Kickflip) and Olav Rokne (Unofficial Hugo Book Club Blog) face off against seasoned movie punch-up veterans Scott C. Bourgeois and Gregg Beever in an epic movie pitch battle.

Liam Creswick judges this winner-take-all I Have Some Notes slugfest. What spoils await the victor? I donno, pride or something.

While Brendan Fraser is experiencing a well-deserved renaissance, we thought it would be fun to rewind the clock to look back at his heyday in the 90s. George of the Jungle may have not been his strongest starring role, but there are many who still remember it fondly.

We, of course, look back and find ways to improve Brendan's role. Cutting a couple of needless subplots and more than a few characters, we streamline George of the Jungle to include more George IN the jungle.

Sequels! We love 'em! They're rarely any good and ripe for re-pitching. In Jaws The Revenge's case the film is really devoid of good shark-related kills and spends far too much time focused on the wrong character.

The crew takes turns adding to a new pitch that turns the shark into more of a metaphor before shifting gears into a straight-up supernatural slasher flick.

Ghotbusters: Afterlife may devolve into a cynical cavalcade of nostalgia, but boy what a ride. Glenna Schowalter of the Slugblaster play along podcast Quantum Kickflip joins our cast of armchair screenwriters to punch up a perfectly fine, yet slightly unsatisfying Ghostbusters sequel.

Together the paranormal foursome of pretend producers question the need for familial ties to the original cast, while also toying with the idea of making the O.G. proton slingers the villains.

As we all know video game movies are notorious for being great. They are among the most well-written and thoughtful blockbuster movies Hollywood produces, especially in the earlier 2000s when they definitely weren't cynical cash grabs.

You'd think Lara Croft: Tomb Raider wouldn't be the kind of film we review, but Angelina Jolie's video game adaptation managed to buck the trend of hit film after hit film. It is salvageable, however, as we manage to add more tomb raiding to this Tomb Raider flick.